Druggies, disrupting frequencies, difficulties

My computer is acting up. I stay on the phone with bright house. My BFF has decided I must disturb electronic frequencies. I struggle with machines. Netflix works fine until I walk in the room. Pages won’t load. Sites won’t recognize my password. Debit cards, phones, cameras… They fight me. I’m nervous about emailing my portfolio to H. I’m curious what his favorite piece will be. I think about money and artwork. I challenged myself to put a price on of my one of a kind painting Pretty Miss. It’s hanging in my bedroom. It is the piece that defines me as an artist. My mom comes to the bottom of the stairs to scream at me for not doing her laundry. She asked me when I was under the influence of a horse tranquilizer. I hate when people try to talk to me when I’m unconscious. I couldn’t even put a price on pretty miss. My BFF says she would be clutching it homeless in the streets. I guess every painting has a price. Do get out there you have to sell. I would sell pretty miss if I made enough to start an art empire. I have no problem selling are my self portrait and pretty miss. I will have fun sending H my portfolio. It’s like standing naked before him. My BFF’s computer is having difficulties. I feel like it’s me disrupting frequencies. She tells me I’m silly. That’s not what she’s thinking when she’s trying to get me on my nclex site at three in the morning. So, I should’ve powered through the day. I shouldn’t have crashed. My mom said she was going to use Narcan. That’s the drug they use to sober up druggies. Non of my medicines are opiods. I don’t think Narcan would work for me. Apparently, people high on pills get pissed when they’re overdosing and the Narcan takes their high away. Oh heavens above, I don’t want to be a nurse. I’m half-way there. I’m going to do it. I have trouble seeing myself as a nurse. I took a break after two deaths in the family. I got behind on school work. I just lost time. I remember the funerals. I needed to step away from school. I don’t ever want to go back. But, I’m going to grin and bare it. I am tempted to switch majors to graphic design. I know I’ll be poor. I’ll work at a fed-ex or kinkos. I have the urge just to make art. My mom would never forgive me for giving up nursing for graphic design. I would get so many ‘I told you so’s.’H talked about commitment. The importance to commit. I feel committed to nursing. I’m proud when I say I’m in nursing school. It’s just the skills I suck at. Teaching me is like dealing with a small child. I’m really book smart. I just lack the skills to be a great nurse. I’m not comfortable with a tourniquet. I have no business trying to start an IV. And at some point I’ve got to fake it and get in a motherfucking IV. I’ll be just as happy for my first catheter. I’ll miss my class. But, I’ll be interested to meet a new group of people. I hope they are warm and welcoming. I hope at least one girl smokes. It won’t be like Tabs. But, I will adjust. A whole new group of people to scold me for giant energy drinks. It will be fun to meet new classmates. I wish H was in town. I never read fifty shades of grey. I don’t think I’ll read it anytime soon. He called it H-sexual. I thinks he’s intrigued that I understand. He also get’s off on my total subservience. He’s never seen ‘the Secretary.’He’s going to make me crawl and beg. Tomorrow, I start making art. Tonight may I dream about H.