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My response to sex with my dream man

STADIUM LOVE johnathon blocked. My response to a question was too damn long to send in a private message.

johnathon broke my heart when he chose Alexis over me. It’s still something I don’t understand. I knew her. she actually mimicked me but she was thinner. I wrote an incredible blog about amanda oiler’s tits and the lessons i learned watching her use them for attention. its a blog i have to re-write because it matters.

when me and laura were living together we both slept with him. we could do that for many years. we didn’t have threesomes we took turns. me and johnathon had a deep connection as acting partners. I love that i flaunted in front of tim that i spent the whole year kissing johnathon. we practiced kissing for our scene at competition a whole lot more than necessary. I made him really kiss me to see if I felt more electricity from him than tim. Johnathon lived in mortal fear of tim. for good reason. tim knew we shared something special. Tim refused to ever watch me on stage. he insisted on lingering in the parking lot.

He couldn’t have handled seeing me dominate a stage. He didn’t like that any other man could desire me. He wanted a redheaded teenage princess. but he wanted exclusive rights. I don’t know if you know johnathon is the reason laura and josh cundiff broke up. she was obsessed with johnathon more than the two of us combined. After alexis I never had a desire to make him my boyfriend. but, i couldn’t resist finding out what he was like in bed. He once told me the best sex wasn’t about how pretty a girl was. It was the amount of enthusiasm she showed. In bed he was the king of enthusiasm. His dick wasn’t huge. but he did know every trick in the book.

Im in that percentile of women who can’t come during sex. even with johnathon. I sure pretended like I did. He was deep in transition from ‘hippy’ johnathon into republican johnathon. It was strange. he was fucking two fat bitches. but he was on a super strict atkins diet. I remember watching eating a cold hotdog and thing ‘damn he’s too caught up in his image, to be sexy’ We took turns fucking him in micah’s bed. I thought that was just too damn funny. johnathon is the roommate who’ll fuck two woman on your bed because it’s more comfortable than is. He actually convinced me and laura to kiss. it was so gross. it was exactly like you walking up to erin and putting your tongue in her mouth. but he’s johnathon. Of course we did it for him. I loved him as the kid in homeroom eighth grade. laura was obsessed like he was God incarnate. It’s one of the reasons she hates me. I got more of johnathon’s attention. She never forgave me.

You would be so proud of my last real conversation with johnathon. Only you would understand. We were getting close. We were starting to ditch laura and we discussed ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. He’s lived his whole life breaking it gently to girls that he’s moving on. With me it was different. He got close to that arena and I let him have it in a cool calculated manner. I told him I knew it was quite obvious we wouldn’t work as a couple. He lost his cool. He wanted to know why? I realized he was on the verge of really asking me to ditch laura and make it official. He just began the conversation like he was working a negotiation. It was business 101. Start the negotiation pretending you are uncertain and allow the other party to convince you to give it a shot. Any other female besides you or me, would’ve fallen for that trick. Any other girl would’ve just listed off the reasons why we should be together.

The only way to keep johnathon forever is to have the balls to tell him why you plan to find a better partner. I’ve always dreamed of talking about this. It was the crowning moment for me to take control of my destiny. I didn’t know it then. As classmates, friends, intellectual equals and most of all as two lovers performing on stage, I may never find a better mate. But, I know the real johnathon. I also know the republican man he was trying to become. He was going to be driven by money, success, and physical appearances. I knew he was going to be power hungry. I also knew he underestimated me. We developed a love based on our ability to logically debate social issues. I could give him a run for his money. He knew it.

That night he thought I was a girl who loved him enough to change myself for his approval. I wish you could’ve seen the look on his face when I told him that I did love him but we have two distinct opinions of what really matters in life. I told him I wasn’t interested in dating a republican. I told him I believe in social reforms, government assistance, female reproductive rights and all the other tenants of democracy. That for me is more important than having johnathon as my boyfriend. I let him know I could walk away simply because he was a repubican. I’m proud of him. I would only have wanted him as my boyfriend if he used his power, intelligence and charisma to help people in need. He wanted to belong to the rich elite powerful network of people that stop helping and focus on growing fortunes. He was materialistic. He thought he could buy happiness. I know happiness is free.

It was something about that hot dog. He didn’t need to diet. He was chasing perfection. He wanted to live the american dream. I’m like you. Money is irrelevant when you can focus your life to being a human being that gives God praise. I don’t know what type of lawyer he’s going to be. At some point that ‘real’ boy will reemerge. I have faith in that. However, I know he’ll either be a lawyer that defends people who deserve a fair trial. Or he’ll be a lawyer that defends rich men that pay to avoid punishment. He may be a prosecutor that captivates jurors into doing the right thing. He may be a prosecutor that doesn’t give a shit about anything more than his personal success rate. I pray he’ll do something to motivate social reform rather than just getting rich. When I was sitting in that car shutting him down I took a gamble that he was going to devote his life to money. The look on his face when I explained that I enjoyed our sexual relationship but I demanded more from a partner than he could provide, was priceless.

I don’t read the newsfeed very often. I know he has a pretty smart wife. I know they run on the treadmill together. That’s not my idea of a good life. I feel no envy. He makes me sad. He could be feeding the homeless. He could set up charities for people in need. But, he runs on the treadmill. He told me once he still has my artwork hanging in his office. He still loves it. He still loves me. I know he never got over his mistake of choosing amanda’s tits over the right to hold hands with you. Laura facebook stalks him. She’s convinced he is the perfect male specimen. I see a young republican. I see a man I don’t want to have over for dinner much less have in my vagina. I’m glad we were intimate. Until, I met brian he was the best lover I ever had. Brian is different. He’s not putting on a performance.

Even when me and johnathon fucked we were two actors on stage performing. I worry about him. I watched a documentary about how many people go through law school and never find employment. The field is flooded with people like johnathon. He has to shine so hard to get a foot in the door to get any experience. He may wind up in debt selling used cars. I’ve been writing a lot lately about what a difference it makes having God on your side. God looks down on people focused on power and money. They don’t have the support a person has who fights daily battles with the weapon of a beautiful heart. now, I’m going to rewrite that blog about amanda oiler’s tits and what they taught me. and for the record her tits only amused him for a few weeks. We amuse him for a lifetime.

About lemerris82

My good friends call me Dirt Fizzle. They also call me by my real name and the name Halina Hawthorne. My real name is Lynn. I'm 31, I'm single, I have no children. I'm obsessed with art and printmaking. I'm in nursing school. I hate it. I'd rather be making art or writing. I write. I write about the commonplace and the vulgar. I wonder if other people have this urge to journal? I want to stumble around other members of fucked up individuals that don't sleep at night.

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